One With The Sisterhood

Classic Case of "that" dude. This bar could be in any major market city. The dude, you prob don't know him cause he only runs with girls... That kind of dude who is trying to land on the moon and have the insider angle with girls and surpass the almighty FRIEND ZONE... Tough move on both angles cause you lose touch with reality, but think you're doing well. Note the crossed legs and the wacky winter cap, this dude is too far gone. Even if he tried to come back to the team he wouldn't know right from left. Wouldn't know what to do with himself at a Sunday football party, it's that bad...


Chances of him making it to Williamsburg: very possible... he prob has a girl or a whole swarm of girls he is friends with and they can watch sex and the city together.

Manboy Sighting

There comes a time in every manboy's life where he must make the decision to forever live his life as a Jonas Brother look-a-like, or to grow up, eat a steak (or something!) and put away those childish things that made him not quite a boy, and yet not quite a man. In this fellow's case it may entail not shitting in your pants and walking around with your hands in your back pockets to cover up the "chocolate you sat in," or to stop stealing your dead grandfather's hats or little sister's jeans. These are all things a boy must do to cross over into manhood from the purgatory known as manboy-ism.

Chances of making it to Williamsburg: I think this one will end up on Staten Island; 0%.

PS. Do you work at the Tannery? If so, I really do fucking hate you.

What not to wear, what TO WEAR, and where to sit...

Ahhh... The B line finally appears in the blog. What a diverse and interesting mixture of commuters. This guy on the left looks like he got dressed in a pitch black room and just looked at himself now and realized he looks like an asshole. If you really are a true rocker shouldn't you have a limo or a retro car? you dont sell me on your bullshit.

Next we have the "Best Of" all worlds of clothing. Not only is that a Fubu Jeans Co Nascar racing jacket, but racing along with MMA fighting and tattoo culture is very "in" right now. The camo face mask is topped off perfectly with a Pats beanie, what else would he wear??? Protect your laptop!

And lastly we have a moderately attractive woman just looking for a seat to lessen the effects of a hangover/walk of shame that has gone past 10am. She wouldn't give that seat up to the mother mary if needed...

Probability of all of these jerks being called up to the big leagues: 0%... Sadly enough the B Line doesn't end in Williamsburg YET...

You can't be serious...

I must have missed the story in the Globe about the garment district exploding, were you badly hurt? Don't get me wrong, I've had some good laughs doing this blog, but this picture actually makes me a little bit angry. You know, it's one thing to wear a tie dye sweatshirt in 2008, but ONE Burberry sock?! ONE?! Listen, I understand you want to be weird for the sake of being weird, or maybe you're trying to challenge people's expectations about how the average teenager should dress*, but it's 10 degrees outside, and not only do you look absolutely ridiculous, you're going to catch a cold as well. Do us all a favor and head to the Gap or Macy's and have your mom buy you a decent pair of jeans, a plain sweater, and maybe even a down jacket. Then maybe she will stop crying herself to sleep at night thinking about what a trainwreck her daughter is.

*LOL, not.

Chances of making it to Williamsburg: 5%, one percentage point for every pattern she has on.

Stachin' Forward

I know I told you I was taking your picture for a prominent mustache blog, sorry, I lied. How can you even look at yourself in the mirror every morning? More importantly, what are you doing all the way in Allston? Isn't there a forest in Canada that needs to be cut down? Just kidding, I know there is no way you are strong enough to lift an axe, besides, even if you did manage to swing it your beanie might actually fall off and not just look like it's about to. That thing on your face is absolutely disgusting, I can't even come up with a good insult for it. Another day, another flannel. I should submit this picture to the Oxford English Dictionary so they can better define "Minor Leaguer."

Chances of making it to Williamsburg: 0%. Supposedly a tree grows in Brooklyn, but I don't think that's enough to entice this lumberjack fuck.

Joke on the bike dorks.

Here, we have a classic example of a trendy bike dork.

Bike Dorks really jumped off... 5? 6? years ago? Its almost like everybody is just waiting for the next trend to come around. And for now we're just stuck with these idiots. The accessories for these people are what kill me. The weak little backpack which he probably stole from a 3rd grader. And the horrible winter coat that shows he is "funny". What the fuck is that hat, it looks like he stole it off a Canadian tourist. I just don't get it. This will be the first of many bike dork pictures, its almost cheating to make fun of these people.

Chances of making it to Williamsburg : 3. Not retro enough of a bicycle. Better luck with one of your other 12 bikes.

"The Cut"

Maybe you're familiar with "The Cut." Maybe you're not. "The Cut" is the brainchild of two friends who shall remain nameless, but in case it's not obvious, allow me to explain. Basically, "The Cut" is the most ridiculous of all hair-styling decisions. Only the boldest man or woman would dare enter their haircuttery of choice and ask for such a dramatic chop. To get "The Cut" means to remove one's sideburns completely, that is, to raise one's hairline above one's ear. This hairstyle has been the subject of many laughs over the years, and this was certainly the case when I strolled into this sweet Allston type party and came face to face with a textbook example of the world's bravest hairdo. Needless to say, I felt compelled to photograph this hairstyle maven. I'm not even sure this guy is a minor leaguer, his style is straight tee-ball. Here's some advice kid: Buy yourself a hat with earflaps and don't let anyone talk you into taking it off.

Chances of making it to Williamsburg: .0000001%, I'm not even sure this guy is Allston material.